Tuesday, November 17, 2009

If You Were Wondering...

I've sort of fallen off the face of the earth lately from this blog and all subsequent reading of my blog-friends' blogs. Sorry 'bout that. I'm sort of at a weird cross roads in my life. I'm in a strange, confused place. And I am not a confused person. I usually know what I want to do and then I do everything in my power to not only do it, but do it to the best of my ability. But I'm a wee bit lost at the moment.

See, I started up that new job. The one where I'm an instructional coach for teachers, coaching them on how to be highly effective in their instructional practice. It's intellectually stimulating and professionally exciting on many, many levels. The teachers at the middle school where I'm currently coaching are beyond receptive to what I've been saying. I really like the job. That's not what I'm confused about.

Well, let me keep going with the story. This new job has spurred my former teaching colleague and instructional coaching colleague, Margie (I've included her in a few of my posts) and I to start writing an educational book. We meet on Sundays and write. It is pretty cool. We also started planning out professional development presentations that we could do for schools...that coincides with this educational book we're currently writing. That spurred me to start a new blog and new Twitter account and new Ning account...sort of a new business.

I read this book called Now is the Time to Crush It! Cash in on Your Passion by Gary Vaynerchuk. The dude's a social networking wizard and has mastered how to spread the word on just about anything. Hence my new blogs and new Twitter account.

I'm finally getting to my inner battle. All of this "new business" stuff is steering me away from my writing and this blog and querying. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I seriously feel verklempt every time I sit down at my laptop. For the first time since I wrote my virgin novel two summer ago I feel lost. Off point. Lost the path. I continue to read of other writers landing agents. I continue to read of other writers selling their first novels. I continue to wonder (and I do mean think very deeply about) if it will ever happen to me.
*I'm not looking for any sympathy here, I swear. I'm just saying how I feel lately.

So, I stopped querying. I stopped NaNo'ing. I stopped torturing myself with other writer's good news. I stopped blogging (this blog). I stopped reading others' blogs & commenting. I stopped anything writer'y. I just stopped it all.

And it felt awful. It felt wrong. It still feels wrong and awful.

See? I don't know what to do. I can't do it all. I can't work full time, write an educational book, start a new business, continue writing my YA novel, query, revise, blog, read others' blogs, etc... My head is going to explode, and see, I need my head to do stuff.

I thought this post would clear my head. Not so much. I need an espresso martini and a hot bath.

Oh, and if you're interested, or happen to know ANYONE connected with education in any way. I'd be all sorts of grateful if you passed along my new blog:
http://wecanfixeducation.blogspot.com

or my new Twitter feed:
https://twitter.com/fixeducation